I'm taking part in Rachel Harrie's Platform Building Campaign (See the shield on the left. Click on it to get the details) and the
first challenge is out today. Here's my entry: (to save you counting, it's exactly 200 words)
*********
The door swung open and I could see outside for the first time. I had lived with the darkness for so long that at first I was blinded and it was difficult to make out shapes, only blurs of colour that represented another world. A long, cold winter I had slept, dreaming of the other side, the out side, knowing that I would have to face it again eventually, but unsure of what I would discover when I did.
My eyes slowly became accustomed to the day and I began to stretch, to make ready for my foray into the unknown. I was stiff from hibernation and at first my legs were as reluctant as my sight, but gradually sensation returned and I took a few hesitant steps toward the rectangle of light. I had no idea how I would cope, only that I had to go and play my part.
The majority of my kind would not have survived; victims of cold, predators, or just weary old age. So it was my task to find another, to mate and to lay the eggs of the next butterfly generation. Determined, I flew out, and behind me the door swung shut.
51 comments:
That kept me guessing (incorrectly) until you answered the conundrum. Well crafted! Well done!
Ah I was imagining a bear that had come out of hibernation, though I did note the butterfly in the picture above. Nice choice of subject for the challenge.
I hadn't guessed correctly either! I was thinking at first animal, then sci-fi world. Ha! I was wrong on both fronts. ~ Nadja
Unique idea to use a butterfly. Very interesting.
How clever to write this in first person from an animal's point of view. I enjoyed this!
Very interesting! I wondered throughout how you would end it. Great job!
I like this quite a bit because of the trepidation the character feels. Nice job!
Awww...that was so touching. I really enjoyed it.
I was expecting a hedgehog not a butterfly. Nice take on the challenge.
Hi,
Lovely opening and perfect first-person POV as butterfly! ;)
best
F
Very creative! I live this!
This was great, you had me guessing till the end too. Very clever and well done.
Wonderful imagery! So many layers. Thanks for sharing :)
Had no idea until the end exactly who was telling the story. I loved it!
That was awesome. :)
I had no idea who the character was ... had a few wild(incorrect)guesses ...
Great job !
~MISH~
http://writer-in-transit.co.za/
Thanks for sharing - nice surprise ending.
I loved it. At first I thought you might be a bear, but the butterfly was a nice surprise. Well done.
I was expecting a bear, too. And I liked the capturing of sensations after such a long sleep; the blinding of colors and shapes, the stiffness, etc. Nicely done.
I didn't know it was a butterfly until I zipped through other people's comments! I kept thinking it was some sort of humanoidish breed of animal that hibernates on some sci-fi world the creature had never been on before. Very interesting!
I was so thinking dystopian--nice twist! I enjoyed :)
Nice writing - I too was 'misled' until that second-last sentence! Nice writing.
I loved how you kept the "truth" until the end, and your descriptive language was truly great.
-Aaron
And here I was expecting a vampire or something like that! I love that it turned out be butterflies instead!
I was thinking first vampire and then a bear, but the butterfly is a beautiful twist. Your descriptions are wonderful. Good job! :)
You made a good juxtaposition, starting out with darkness to throw us off balance and getting sidewinked by the introduction of something that is perceived as more colorful, and having us complete the story that surround the scene ourselves.
Fun, I totally didn't expect it to be a butterfly until the end (because I didn't study the picture first, obviously. I still need to develop an idea for this contest. Thanks for sharing yours!
Prose really flows. Nice job.
I should have looked at the picture. I so thought bear. Great job!
http://www.doreenmcgettigan.com
Very clever. I loved it.
Great job! Like a lot of the others, I definitely didn't expect a butterfly, lol. I liked it.
Cool! A nice wrap up at the end and some gorgeous imagery. Well done!
A butterfly character! Nice one. Didn't see that coming. I thought it was a bear or wolf at first. I "like" this! :)
I love your concept - very well crafted, well done! :)
I was doing a lot of guessing too... I thought it was a bear... boy was I wrong.
I thought it was an animal but didn't get which until the end. Great story. Denise
Lovely---I guessed bear and got butterfly!
Fellow-campaigner dropping by. My entry goes up tomorrow!
Nice take on the theme, and well written too. Good one!
Fellow campaigner living in your neck of the woods too!
Enjoyed your 200 words. Not expecting it to be a butterfly. Very clever.
Had me guessing until the very end! Great job, fellow campaigner!
Nice job! I too, didn't realize it was a butterfly, which is funny since there's a picture of one! :D
I didn't even see the butterfly in the picture until I got to the end of your story. Brilliant!
Oh that's so cool! At first I thought it was talking about a bear which made the realization that it was a BUTTERFLY be so surprising! Great job! (I'm a new follower by the way)
I'm entry #235
Neat! I totally guessed wrong...twice, but I loved that it was a butterfly and it works! I really have no idea why the picture of the butterfly didn't tip me off. ;) Lol!
Fellow campaigner here! The butterfly was also a surprise to me ... in a good way!
This was unexpected, first person from an animal's point of view. I was influenced by the picture as I because I'd found the butterfly haunting when I first logged on to your page. I enjoyed this!
I like the description. Disappointed when I learned you were talking about butterflies. Caterpillars form cocoons allowing them to mature into butterflies. Cocoons don't have doors to open and shut.
Moths are featured in one of my novels yet to be edited.
Just a brief correction of one of the comments. SOME butterflies hibernate and re-emerge in the Spring. They last about a day or two, if they're lucky. They usually sleep in sheds - hence the swinging door.
I DON'T write about things I don't know.
Nicely done, I was curious right up til the end. Mine is #72
Love the angle too :). Butterfly is interesting.
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