Monday, September 05, 2011

Campaigner Challenge 1. The door swung open.

I'm taking part in Rachel Harrie's Platform Building Campaign (See the shield on the left. Click on it to get the details) and the first challenge is out today.  Here's my entry: (to save you counting, it's exactly 200 words)

*********

The door swung open and I could see outside for the first time.  I had lived with the darkness for so long that at first I was blinded and it was difficult to make out shapes, only blurs of colour that represented another world.  A long, cold winter I had slept, dreaming of the other side, the out side, knowing that I would have to face it again eventually, but unsure of what I would discover when I did.
My eyes slowly became accustomed to the day and I began to stretch, to make ready for my foray into the unknown.  I was stiff from hibernation and at first my legs were as reluctant as my sight, but gradually sensation returned and I took a few hesitant steps toward the rectangle of light. I had no idea how I would cope, only that I had to go and play my part.
The majority of my kind would not have survived; victims of cold, predators, or just weary old age. So it was my task to find another, to mate and to lay the eggs of the next butterfly generation.  Determined, I flew out, and behind me the door swung shut.



51 comments:

elizabethanne said...

That kept me guessing (incorrectly) until you answered the conundrum. Well crafted! Well done!

Madeleine said...

Ah I was imagining a bear that had come out of hibernation, though I did note the butterfly in the picture above. Nice choice of subject for the challenge.

Nadja Notariani said...

I hadn't guessed correctly either! I was thinking at first animal, then sci-fi world. Ha! I was wrong on both fronts. ~ Nadja

1000th.monkey said...

Unique idea to use a butterfly. Very interesting.

Theresa Milstein said...

How clever to write this in first person from an animal's point of view. I enjoyed this!

klizbarker said...

Very interesting! I wondered throughout how you would end it. Great job!

Alleged Author said...

I like this quite a bit because of the trepidation the character feels. Nice job!

Angela Brown said...

Awww...that was so touching. I really enjoyed it.

Bob Scotney said...

I was expecting a hedgehog not a butterfly. Nice take on the challenge.

Francine Howarth said...

Hi,

Lovely opening and perfect first-person POV as butterfly! ;)

best
F

Babydoll said...

Very creative! I live this!

Kimberly said...

This was great, you had me guessing till the end too. Very clever and well done.

Lady Gwen said...

Wonderful imagery! So many layers. Thanks for sharing :)

Ruth Hartman Berge said...

Had no idea until the end exactly who was telling the story. I loved it!

Cindy said...

That was awesome. :)

mish said...

I had no idea who the character was ... had a few wild(incorrect)guesses ...
Great job !

~MISH~
http://writer-in-transit.co.za/

K. M. Walton said...

Thanks for sharing - nice surprise ending.

Donna K. Weaver said...

I loved it. At first I thought you might be a bear, but the butterfly was a nice surprise. Well done.

Elizabeth Varadan aka Mrs. Seraphina said...

I was expecting a bear, too. And I liked the capturing of sensations after such a long sleep; the blinding of colors and shapes, the stiffness, etc. Nicely done.

Cortney said...

I didn't know it was a butterfly until I zipped through other people's comments! I kept thinking it was some sort of humanoidish breed of animal that hibernates on some sci-fi world the creature had never been on before. Very interesting!

Coleen Patrick said...

I was so thinking dystopian--nice twist! I enjoyed :)

Trisha said...

Nice writing - I too was 'misled' until that second-last sentence! Nice writing.

The Blogger Girlz said...

I loved how you kept the "truth" until the end, and your descriptive language was truly great.
-Aaron

jasonbeineke said...

And here I was expecting a vampire or something like that! I love that it turned out be butterflies instead!

Christine Rains said...

I was thinking first vampire and then a bear, but the butterfly is a beautiful twist. Your descriptions are wonderful. Good job! :)

MyTricksterGod said...

You made a good juxtaposition, starting out with darkness to throw us off balance and getting sidewinked by the introduction of something that is perceived as more colorful, and having us complete the story that surround the scene ourselves.

Heather Justesen said...

Fun, I totally didn't expect it to be a butterfly until the end (because I didn't study the picture first, obviously. I still need to develop an idea for this contest. Thanks for sharing yours!

Holly Vance said...

Prose really flows. Nice job.

Doreen McGettigan said...

I should have looked at the picture. I so thought bear. Great job!

http://www.doreenmcgettigan.com

Cheree said...

Very clever. I loved it.

Francesca Zappia said...

Great job! Like a lot of the others, I definitely didn't expect a butterfly, lol. I liked it.

REINHARDT! said...

Cool! A nice wrap up at the end and some gorgeous imagery. Well done!

David Powers King said...

A butterfly character! Nice one. Didn't see that coming. I thought it was a bear or wolf at first. I "like" this! :)

Grillyfish said...

I love your concept - very well crafted, well done! :)

Doralynn Kennedy said...

I was doing a lot of guessing too... I thought it was a bear... boy was I wrong.

L'Aussie said...

I thought it was an animal but didn't get which until the end. Great story. Denise

Damyanti said...

Lovely---I guessed bear and got butterfly!

Fellow-campaigner dropping by. My entry goes up tomorrow!

PaulaSJwriter said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
PaulaSJwriter said...

Nice take on the theme, and well written too. Good one!

Maria said...

Fellow campaigner living in your neck of the woods too!

Enjoyed your 200 words. Not expecting it to be a butterfly. Very clever.

Candy Fite said...

Had me guessing until the very end! Great job, fellow campaigner!

Katie Dodge said...

Nice job! I too, didn't realize it was a butterfly, which is funny since there's a picture of one! :D

Tessa Conte said...

I didn't even see the butterfly in the picture until I got to the end of your story. Brilliant!

Jess said...

Oh that's so cool! At first I thought it was talking about a bear which made the realization that it was a BUTTERFLY be so surprising! Great job! (I'm a new follower by the way)
I'm entry #235

Amanda Milner said...

Neat! I totally guessed wrong...twice, but I loved that it was a butterfly and it works! I really have no idea why the picture of the butterfly didn't tip me off. ;) Lol!

Sandwiched Writer said...

Fellow campaigner here! The butterfly was also a surprise to me ... in a good way!

Elaine AM Smith said...

This was unexpected, first person from an animal's point of view. I was influenced by the picture as I because I'd found the butterfly haunting when I first logged on to your page. I enjoyed this!

niiganab said...

I like the description. Disappointed when I learned you were talking about butterflies. Caterpillars form cocoons allowing them to mature into butterflies. Cocoons don't have doors to open and shut.

Moths are featured in one of my novels yet to be edited.

MorningAJ said...

Just a brief correction of one of the comments. SOME butterflies hibernate and re-emerge in the Spring. They last about a day or two, if they're lucky. They usually sleep in sheds - hence the swinging door.

I DON'T write about things I don't know.

bridget said...

Nicely done, I was curious right up til the end. Mine is #72

astrid paramita said...

Love the angle too :). Butterfly is interesting.