Monday, May 23, 2011

Of COURSE I hear voices.....

“I really think you need to see a specialist, a psychiatrist” he said, “I know just the man.  You’ll like him. And he’s very good.”

She didn't want to see a stranger, to talk over her fears and the voice in her head that criticised and nagged at her throughout the day and in the dark hours of the night. Not that she heard voices or anything like that. No alien invader violated her mind to feed her strange instructions about papering over the windows or wearing foil hats to keep the radio waves out. She recognised the voice all too well. It was hers; and it really should speak to her more kindly than it did because she didn’t deserve some of the things it said even though her life resembled a ball of wool that a kitten had played with and she had difficulty thinking of a single achievement she could be proud of from the last few years.  But somehow she could not silence it. Her. The other Her.

The voice had been there for as long as she could remember, with its sarcastic commentary on her life and its little hints about how much better she could be doing for herself if only she worked harder, aimed higher, dressed more smartly, concentrated longer, spent less, lost weight, and all the hundreds of other great improvements she needed to make.

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From an abandoned project. I suspect a lot of people can relate to this.

EDIT:  Later, after reading Jarmara's comment.(below) Currently abandoned. Because I got several chapters in and had no idea how or why the poor character was in that state.  But I shall have to go back and rescue the poor girl some day.

4 comments:

Jarmara Falconer said...

I want to know more.

Who is she?
Why are the voices so unkind to her?

You'll just have to finish it so I'll know :-)

MorningAJ said...

That's just it Jarmara. I don't know either - yet!

Sandra Davies said...

I think she'd have to be unloved to a large extent, and possibly under ... forty? (Can't remember exactly when the 'don't give a toss' set in ... to some extent I've been like that in several areas for a long time)
It's a sad state of affairs though.
Perhaps the he who tells her to see a psychiatrist is the man who will rescue her, or she could do a stint in an orphanage and realise how lucky/wise/clever she is & that many people's ideas of 'better' are mere window dressing ...

MorningAJ said...

She's under forty. The guy telling her to see the psychiatrist is actually her doctor. And she has a lovely and long-suffering boyfriend who is getting fed up of her moods (that's why she went to the doctor in the first place)

But I still don't know her back story. It'll come. With time. The fact that I keep going back and stealing snippets to put on here is a good sign.

Besides I need to finish the other one first! I think.