Wednesday, August 03, 2011
You know how irritating it was to be stuck behind that slow-moving juggernaut that you’ve just pulled out to overtake? Well think how much more annoying it would have been if you’d had to jam your brakes on to avoid driving into the back of him as he got in front of you. I KNOW that you’re bigger than me, but in the playground that counts as bullying.
When I say ‘good morning’ to you when you arrive in the morning, does it really take too much effort to reply? A monosyllabic grunt doesn’t count. Oh, and by the way, you can wash your own lunch dishes today. We’re all fed up with clearing up around you.
Just how am I supposed to know what you want me to do if you don’t communicate. I was hired for my office skills. If I’d wanted to practise clairvoyance I’d have moved to the seaside and set up a fortune telling booth.
The smoke from your cigarette break is drifting through my open window. If you’re working next door, why are you standing in our yard?
Dear shop assistant
I get twenty minutes for my lunch break. I did not intend to spend half of them waiting while you discussed your weekend activities with your friend who was in front of me in the queue buying a single item.
I don’t have a dog, so why are you afraid to push my post all the way through my letterbox? Do you realise that you left the back-end of my bank statement hanging out of my door for anyone to help themselves to? Identity theft is growing fast enough without your supporting it.
It would have been nice if you’d caught the mouse BEFORE it made a start on the fruit bowl.
I’m sure you love that style of music but the rest of the street don’t. We’d like to be able to sit in our gardens on the last sunny day of this week without being force-fed your taste.
Thank you for making my life wonderful. As soon as you get home and hug me, the rest of the day’s irritations just fade away. I love you.