Maybe the Moon by Armistead Maupin

Poignant. That's the best way to describe Maybe the Moon. I guess with a title like that, and Armistead Maupin for an author, I should have expected nothing less.

It's a vivid tale about the seamier side of Hollywood and the movie business back in the late 20th century. And it's important to remember that it was published in 1992. Things have changed since then, or at least it is to be hoped they have.

Thirty one inch tall Cadence (Cady) Roth is an actress, or is trying to be, but her one big role was 10 years ago, in the second biggest movie of all time, where she was the legs beneath a rubber and animatronic elf. The character, Mr Woods, turns up in the back yard of a young boy's home, at a time when he needs a friend, and helps the kid through troubled times. Everyone loves the elf, but nobody knows Cady's face. In fact she has been forbidden to discuss her part because the director believes it would spoil the 'magic' of the story. It appears that, far from her talents as an actress, it was her size as the second smallest person in the world that earned her the part. The studio just needed someone small to fit inside the suit.

If you have spotted similarities with 'ET' here that is no surprise. The book was rumoured to be an homage to Tamara de Treaux, a female dwarf who brought that character to life, from inside a heavy and uncomfortable latex-coated contraption. Indeed, Cady spends much of the novel resenting how everyone is unaware that it was a woman inside the Mr Woods costume. As if she didn't have enough emotional problems from dealing with her height, she is also plagued by the constant use of the pronoun 'he' in association with her career. You might also have noticed a recurring theme of 'second best' here too. In fact the book is filled with 'almosts' and 'not quites'. As I said: poignant.

Being Armistead Maupin in the Nineties it is also filled with several politically correct causes. Beyond the central question of acceptance of Cady as a person, rather than a dwarf, there is also the topic of mixed race relationships, when Cady finds herself a tall, good-looking, black boyfriend. And there's a homosexual friend who happens to meet Cady's young boy co-star, now grown-up and cruising in a well-known gay pick-up spot. The child star is making a come-back in an action movie and of course the studio wants to keep his sexual preferences a secret.

The book explores what a bottom-line, image-is-everything place Hollywood can be, or at least was in the 1990s. It's a product of its time, but it's still worth tracking down

Just five words

There's a writing contest on Radio 2 at the moment for under 13s. It's called 500 words - but it closes at 7pm on Wednesday. However, during one of the announcements about it on the radio this morning the stand-in DJ (Chris Evans is away) said: "But for the over 13s here's challenge. Give us a story in five words."

So I had a go in the car, as I was driving along.

Best I came up with was:
Never wrestle with a gorilla.

And there was:
Then he smiled at me.

I'm sure I can come up with more, but the best I heard on the radio was:
Getting a new prosthetic leg.

Beat that!






 

Thursday extracts: Keeping a diary

The diary was Renee's idea. She ran across it last week and decided on the spot that it was time for me to start writing things down. That evening over dinner she made such a solemn ceremony out of giving it to me that I felt like Moses on Mount Sinai. Since then so help me she hasn't stopped peeping at me sideways, watching my every move, waiting breathlessly for the muse to strike.

I probably shouldn't start until my period is over, just to keep the pissing and moaning to a minimum, but Renee says that's exactly the time I should be writing. Some journal expert she saw on Oprah says all the important stuff happens while you're feeling like a piece of shit; you just don't realise it until later.

Maybe the Moon
Armistead Maupin
1992

Reading, more reading and stuff

After I posted the review yesterday I realised that I used to be much more prolific on this blog. To be fair, I used to be more prolific on all my blogs (I have a few) so I guess it's not out of the ordinary. It's just that, I used to find time to do much more reading than I currently do. I also used to write more often. Poems, short stories, doggerel, whatever. I am being creative in the 'art' sense, but I seem to have abandoned my wordcraft at the moment.
5 out of 10. Must try harder.

The Cricket in Times Square

A Connecticut cricket called Chester is accidentally trapped in a picnic basket and finds himself transported by train to the metropolis of New York City. In Times Square subway station he meets Harry Cat and Tucker Mouse, and the three begin a series of adventures.

Written in 1960, The Cricket in Times Square is very much a product of its era, but the tales it tells and the lessons it teaches are timeless: reasons to learn about other cultures; the importance of keeping a level head in a crisis; and perhaps most important of all, that fame and fortune do not always bring happiness. Aimed at children, it is still charming enough to delight adults.

Chester is adopted as a pet by young Mario Bellini, whose parents run a not especially successful news stand at the station. But he and the three animals, through innocence and good intentions, help to change its fortunes.

George Sedden's book sometimes turns up in second-hand shops (and can be downloaded for e-readers). If you find one, snap it up, if only for Garth Williams's wonderful illustrations. You won't regret it.

A typical work exchange

Boss: "I've had an email from China"

Me: "It's spam. We get them regularly"

Boss: "But I was thinking, do we need a Chinese domain name? How important is the Chinese market going to be to us in the future?"

Me: "It will be important. They're changing various laws at the moment in response to events in the west."

Boss: "So do we need a Chinese domain name?"

Me: "I think our priority should be to sort out our UK site for now."

Me thinking "Your priority ought to be sorting out those figures that I need so I can finish the annual report. Why are you pi&&ing about with Chinese spam?"

Boss: "But wouldn't it be more impressive."

Me: "They are being influenced by what goes on in the west. If we had a working website here we could always add a couple of Chinese pages to it in the future."

Me thinking: "Which bit of that didn't you get in the first place... influenced by the west....."

Boss: "So we don't need one."

Me: "Maybe if we had an office in China it would be different."

Boss: silly laugh

Me: "If we ever need something in China we can ask our academic partner if we can hitch some pages onto their site. They have a Chinese office."

Boss: "Oh yes. Good idea.

Me: "And the first thing we could ask them is whether to put it in Mandarin or Cantonese."

Boss: "Interesting. It's good to have your perspective on the importance of overseas domain names."

Me: (Thinking) "Just shut up and go away."

 

 

 

Based on an actual event

Thursday extracts: Haggis time!

Saturday (January 25) is Burns Night, when tradition (in Scotland at least) demands you should eat haggis and drink whisky. And to do things properly the haggis should be carried into the room to the sound of bagpipes and somebody has to address it with a poem by Robert Burns.

To save you having to look it up:

Address to a Haggis

Fair fa' your honest, sonsie face,
Great chieftain o the puddin'-race!
Aboon them a' ye tak your place,
Painch, tripe, or thairm:
Weel are ye worthy o' a grace
As lang's my arm.